Fixations
by Maelza
Summary: Sasuke has many obsessions, one being his teacher, power and reveng but which one will overrule them all? Warnings inside, Sasuke centric


Warnings:  
Sasuke x Kakashi (basically one-sided), somewhat insanity, obsession, Guy x guy (not at all visual just inner musings) Might have some spoilers/may not be exact to script

All character in this story belong to Masashi Kishimoto  
Plotline, story, etc belong to me aka vatelle/petite-neko

* * *

Kakashi was an odd person, he was so peculiar.

And that's what Sasuke first noticed about Kakashi.

From the beginning, when Kakashi revealed almost nothing about himself, he knew he wanted to crack Kakashi. Yet, no matter how hard Sasuke tried, Kakashi remained unbreakable.

Sasuke really hated Kakashi for that.

But, he also found the Jounin so alluring and mysterious. He wanted to know why his hair defied gravity the way it did. Was it natural, or did Kakashi waste a tube of gel every day? He wanted to know what was behind the mask his sensei wore on a constant basis. He knew his curiosity was bordering upon obsession.

But he really didn't care.

Yet, it all seemed one sided. Sasuke didn't even know if he had a crush on his teacher or not. It's not like that it would matter to him anyway; he'd just accept it as fact. His teacher just showed affection for each of the gennin normally. He didn't like that. He didn't see why Naruto got the same amount of attention he did. And why was Sakura so special? She only was a raving fangirl. Sasuke actually had an _interest_ in Kakashi. The others, they were just curious. They had no _need_ to know about Kakashi. Their interest was only small, miniscule. His was almost a full blown obsession.

That was why he needed to know.

He needed to know many things. He _wanted_ to know. He was a human who strived for information and desired it. He wanted to become stronger – both mentally and physically. He always threw in questions when it suited him, but the Jounin continued to dodge them expertly. He wouldn't give in and ask his sensei directly. No, that would make him seem too obsessive, and he didn't want Kakashi to know that.

Yet, the boy began to realize that something else was there when they went on the mission, ranked lower than it actually was. He felt like he was going to actually _die_ on that mission, and to what lengths Kakashi would go to protect them. He felt his heart throb whenever he thought about it. He knew it throbbed for two reasons: It throbbed because Kakashi cared for them.

But it throbbed because they were all the same. He hated it so much.

He wanted Kakashi to acknowledge him. He wanted Kakashi to see him as a human and as potential. He wanted Kakashi to see him in ways more than one. He wanted Kakashi to _love_ him. He wanted a father figure and something _more_. But, he didn't know how to achieve it.

Sasuke knew he was a prodigy. But, Kakashi and Itachi, they were more. They were geniuses among the geniuses, amongst the prodigies. He envied them for it, yet desired it from them. He wanted Kakashi to teach him, he wanted to learn from him.

And he got his wish.

At the Chuunin exams, Kakashi had personally taken Sasuke under his wing. The boy was ecstatic. When they had gone up into the woods, he knew he could observe Kakashi. The man had to shave didn't he? He could figure out his habits, by observing the man for twenty-four hours.

Sasuke watched Kakashi while he slept (in the same bed as Kakashi much to his like and dislike). His eyes were slit and when Kakashi had gotten up his eyes followed the Jounin, watching his movements. Yet, all Kakashi did was put on a shirt, pants and take a leak. This, of course, was all in the gennin's vision. (Though observing the man's size wasn't on his mind at that particular moment) He saw no foul in the man's movements, no slip-ups. Sasuke, decided to wait awhile, but, nothing happened. Kakashi sat down to eat; he always did with a newspaper in front of his face, regardless of people around. So, that was when he decided to get up.

This routine lasted for another three days, that is, until Sasuke collapsed in the midst of training.

Kakashi, of course, had caught him, sighing at the boy's stupidity. Sasuke had only responded with an "I can handle it" and tried to stand up.

Kakashi shook his head and told the boy, "No Sasuke. You haven't been getting any sleep at _all_ for the last three days. What is wrong with you?" His voice was so full of concern and a reprimanding tone it even shocked the boy in his arms.

Sasuke had squirmed in Kakashi's arms again before hearing his logic. The boy sighed, but refused to voice what was wrong with him. That is, until Kakashi spoke up.

"If you don't tell me Sasuke, you won't be getting out of bed until the next part of the Chuunin exams? You hear me?"

Sasuke growled lowly, "I just wanted …to know a few things about you, Kakashi-sensei."

The silver-haired nin had raised an eyebrow, "Ohh? Like what Sasuke? I thought you were focused on revenge, and that you wouldn't weaken your body on such trivial matter such as me."

Sasuke looked hurt, to say the least, and looked away from his mentor, wanting to ignore Kakashi's comment as he carried him (bridal style nonetheless) to their bed. He just sat there, watching the boy.

Even though Sasuke was tired, exhausted, he couldn't sleep with those eyes trying to pierce through him. He lay there, for maybe an hour before he turned, looking up at Kakashi's eyes, "Promise you won't laugh Kakashi-sensei?" He asked softly, almost weakly.

Kakashi smiled beneath the cloth, "Of course I won't Sasuke." He reassured.

Sasuke felt a slight blush on his features, "W-well… I wanted to know if your hair was naturally like that or… you used gel and… what… your face looked like…" He said, looking away, and fearing the worst reaction.

Then Kakashi laughed. '_I knew it_' Sasuke thought to himself, but surprised when he felt a hand on his chin.

"Was that it Sasuke?" He said, smiling, "Well, you could have just asked me…." He continued, looking away slightly with his eyes, "First of all… My hair _is_ this way naturally, just likes yours… and, why don't you find out for yourself?"

Sasuke blinked. Kakashi was actually _letting_ him see his face. No. This must be a dream. He must have lost consciousness fully when he collapsed! But, he wanted to know, even if it were only a dream. He nodded his head shakily before he moved his hands and cupped Kakashi's face, his thin fingers slipping beneath the cloth. He pulled down the mask, gasping at what he saw. They were perfectly normal, _perfectly_ being the key word. They were so perfect, No abnormalities were on his face, and things where beautiful, almost completely symmetrical, though a few things were different. But, it made his face all the better. The strong cheekbones, the well-shaven skin, his long (yet not too long) nose and those lips. They were thin yet slightly plump. He looked delicious… so delicious that Sasuke had an urge to taste them… kiss them.

As Sasuke moved in close, his eyes closed softy, the Jounin didn't react. When Sasuke's own mouth pressed against the older man's invitingly soft one, nothing happened. He was neither brought closer, nor shoved away. He let his tongue slip out experimentally, and only then did he feel the other pull away, again covering his face with his mask. Yet, Kakashi still did not speak out against the action, or for it. He only ended the contact.

Sasuke looked away from his teacher and turned, covering his body with the sheets, forcing himself to sleep. Of course, he didn't see Kakashi's hand rise to his lips and run his fingers along them.

Sasuke had never been too sure whether he and Kakashi's kiss had actually happened, or if it were a figment of his imagination. He really wished that it did. His memories, they felt so good, so real. He believed that it wasn't. He could still see Kakashi's face as he looked at his face. He wanted to kiss those lips again. He wanted more; more and it scared him because he didn't know what exactly he had wanted more of. There just were too many things that fit that category.

But he knew he wanted more of Kakashi, more of his sensei.

Even as they trained, Sasuke began to feel unsatisfied, for power and affection. He wanted Kakashi to train him more and more. He wanted his sensei to teach him things other than the skills from the ninja. He wanted Kakashi to teach him how to kiss, how to love. He wanted Kakashi to teach him more… but…

What exactly was it?

He decided to figure something out first; he wanted to know for sure if Kakashi's face was really what he saw. Kakashi was out cold wasn't he? Even if it were a dream… the man wouldn't notice his peaking would he? He wouldn't notice that Sasuke got a look at Kakashi's face for the first time, or again. It would be perfectly harmless. But, something else was there aside from his obsession. He knew he was worried and wanted to know the bastard who took out _his_ sensei, _his_ Kakashi. As he walked in, somebody's voice froze him.

"Itachi's here!! Itachi's in town!"

Sasuke's heart began to beat heavily. His mind and body was in conflict. He needed to, he had to kill Itachi. But… Kakashi! The teen held his head in his hands and groaned. Kakashi or Itachi… Kakashi or Itachi… The choice was hard. Itachi might kill him or ruin him. Yet… he could always see his sensei later couldn't he…? However, Itachi would leave soon. He might not get another chance like this. Would he be spared? Would Itachi spare him?

His dead parents flashed before his eyes.

He owed it to them; it was his duty to avenge the clan. He needed to throw everything aside. He felt himself crack slightly as he changed directions, turning towards where Itachi was. His need turned into desperation. Kakashi taught him a skill and he could use it.

He would kill Itachi.

He awoke with nightmares and a broken arm. Yet; those weren't the worst things. His spirit was crushed; his resolve had weakened yet strengthened. He would never be able to kill Itachi. No he was too weak.

'_Maybe…_' the boy thought as he caressed a symbol on his neck and shuttered, '_he promised me power… He could give me it… I could kill Itachi_.' He continued in his mind, smiling deviously. Yes. He found his plan and he would enact it. Power.

He felt so insignificant now. He hated it. When Naruto had come into his room, he couldn't stand it. He had to challenge Naruto, see who was really better. But… when he saw the power of his team-mate, he felt so weak. So… powerless. He hated it when Kakashi scolded him. That man was the only one he wanted praise from, aside from Itachi. But… the only praise that bastard would give him is his death; his death by Sasuke's own hands.

When he ran, he never expected Kakashi to follow him and carry on with his lecture. Sasuke didn't want the man's sympathy. Kakashi just didn't understand. He understood nothing. Revenge. Kakashi said it would never work, that it would never leave him satisfied. No; Kakashi didn't understand. Nobody did.

Yet; Sasuke didn't understand how Kakashi could smile. Smile at the loss of his loved ones. How could he possibly understand after that?! His heart hurt. He just didn't know anymore. He felt so confused. Did Kakashi truly understand? Is… is that why he gave him the Chidori? Kakashi…. Did Kakashi really care for him? His head hurt.

His whole body did.

The Sound Four came shortly after.

He fought back of course. But… their words began to stop him. '_Yes_,' he thought. These people reassured his thoughts. Kakashi's words were totally dismissed from his mind. He needed power; power to kill Itachi.

He had to get out of there. He began to pack. He just had to leave such a weak place. They would never let him accomplish his goals. Not even Kakashi understood him. He knew that now. Revenge… what if it didn't bring happiness? What if it only caused pain? What was the point of it all anyway? When Sakura had come up to him, he just listened to her cry. He didn't care about her. He didn't care about anybody anymore. He only cared about getting revenge. He knew he was being a cold-hearted bastard. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing did.

He only needed to kill Itachi.

He ran out of the village, defecting. He didn't care anymore. They couldn't offer him power; so he didn't belong there. He'd go wherever there was power; he'd go wherever he could become stronger.

When Sakkon told that him that he needed to die; fury went through him. He would not go this far only to die. Yet, he waited for an explanation. He looked at the black pill hesitantly, unable to decide whether to take it and risk it or not. Eventually, he took the pill.

He felt like his body was on fire. The power surged through him like an unbidden demon, released from the fiery depths of hell. His body convulsed at the foreign sensation; the power. He felt so sick. As he lost his consciousness; he felt as if he were floating. Yet, all that he saw was blackness. There were flashes of the massacre, of his murderous brother. Hatred built inside of him. He wouldn't allow this weak, feeble curse take over him and destroy his mentality. He would work towards power; he would work towards killing Itachi. That bastard meant nothing to him. He was despicable trash.

His body began to heat up again and he felt the chakra flowing around him. The power grew and strengthened. He loved it. The feeling of the curse was being released and he felt his body returning to normal. The power, it felt so wonderful.

He was addicted.

Laughter escaped Sasuke's lips. He laughed insanely. He knew now what true power was. He wanted more. More. Power, it was so amazing. Orochimaru had more; he knew it. Orochimaru would train him, Orochimaru would give him more. He needed it. He could kill Itachi, no, he would.

He ran, he ran. Sound. Orochimaru was there. He needed to go there, but, Naruto stood there, blocking his way. How could that dumb ass possibly understand? How could anybody understand? Itachi, he had to kill Itachi. Ah… the power. Laughter escaped Sasuke's lips again, an insane laughter resembling Orochimaru's – an evil, malicious laugh. Naruto knew nothing of his mind. Nobody did. He had to kill Itachi, and in order to do that, he needed power.

Orochimaru had power.

He didn't care anymore. Nothing mattered to him. As long as he got his revenge, he would be satisfied. No matter what Kakashi says, Naruto or any other useless person. Revenge is what he lives for. He would die for it. He didn't care. Naruto's worthless words slipped past him. His mind was only focused on one thing and nothing would stop him from it. Naruto was a worthless idiot. He let his emotions get the better of him. The only good emotion was hate, and Sasuke knew how it felt.

Kakashi had sealed his power. That bastard. Sasuke hated him now, how could his sensei remove his source of power? How could he destroy his hopes at defeating Itachi?! He would remove any connections with Leaf. They were a weak country, too connected with their emotions. He needed to part from them if he was to defeat Itachi.

Sound would fuel his hate.

Naruto. That poor excuse for a ninja wouldn't stop babbling. Sasuke just wanted him to die already. He would get the eye; he would destroy Itachi. Naruto was his way in. He would kill that blond, gain absolute power, and kill Itachi. He cast the chidori, he would kill Naruto.

He let the power encase him.

Yet; when Naruto recovered, the red chakra powerful enough for him to see, he panicked slightly. The boy moved too quickly for him, the chakra was too strong. Was Naruto some kind of monster?! What right did Naruto have to bring him back? He knew nothing.

He never could.

"What do you know about me?" He said after his insane laughter took over, a putrid smile on his face. "Someone like you without family or siblings…" Sasuke felt another crack deep within him as he yelled, "You had nothing in the first place!! What the hell do you understand about me?! Huh?!"

Power furthered within him. His eyes changed. He would give Naruto pain. He would teach the boy true suffering. He would make himself stronger by it. Loneliness and hatred. It strengthened you, hardened you.

Every hastened movement of Naruto he saw and he knew. His eyes developed and changed, they grew. He was stronger, he had power.

Then Naruto gained some.

He had no idea where this hidden, locked power had come from. He didn't know how his 'team-mate' (if he could be called that now) had gotten all of this power. The chakra had a mind of its own. He needed more power.

And he took it.

The curse seal began to rise, it began to spread throughout his body and give him what he wanted His body began to change and how he loved it. His power rose and continued to rise. It enveloped him and he embraced it. His voice changed, his attitude, his appearance. He loved every bit of it. Naruto didn't stand a chance against him now. He would defeat him, kill him and gain the eyes.

The final attack.

He would kill Naruto. He charged at the blond boy. He let the chidori summon and strengthen. He armed for the boy's chest. And he stood victorious. Suddenly he felt his heart stop.

Kakashi.

His headband slipped but he couldn't kill Naruto. No… He would disappoint Kakashi; he would degrade himself to Itachi's level. He couldn't do that. He couldn't. Kakashi was one person he wanted attention from. Kakashi… Why didn't he think of this before… why couldn't he see the truth. But it was too late for him now.

Maybe he could change things.

Maybe Kakashi could help him. Maybe Kakashi could repair his broken heart and soul. He couldn't stay with Naruto, he couldn't incase his insanity crept upon him thought. But he couldn't go to Orochimaru. The seal was telling him to go, to run to sound. He couldn't. His body began to react to the seal. He didn't have much time. He had to run in the rain. He had to hide. He knew that it needed to happen soon though. He couldn't live on his own.He knew he had to contact Kakashi. It had to be secretive.

But how?

* * *

-yawn- I've been working on it since the 26th. I read this really good Kakasasu fanfic and I just HAD to write one. This is kinda a prequel for a fanfiction... or if u wanna say its a prologue, your choice.

I've been working on a new style two, a dramatizing style and I think it works really good with this fan fic I pulled manga whore  
I also got stuck on ti for a few days because I didn't know where to go in a part but a big thanks to UchihaSasuke4Me4Ever for helping me find a connector and then pullling a bit post-thing I wrote 4 pages today and im fucking tired now XD wheee... my insomnia high is going down... didnt get much sleep last night wheee...


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